Voices

 

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I sat across him and looked into his eyes. I immediately sensed sadness.

He was my friend. A guy my age. A very close friend I must say. And for the sake of his privacy, let’s just call him Harry.

“Harry, are you okay?”

“I am, Tony.”, kalmadong sagot nito.

“Anong nangyari?”

He looked at me with those eyes. It was of pure sadness.

“He broke up with me.”

“Who? What’s his name again? Fin?”

“No, Mickey.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. At hindi pa rin ako nakakamove on hanggang ngayon.”

“Pero 7 months na ang nakakaraan, diba? I thought you were seeing someone else? Sinabi mo pa sakin na masaya ka na.”

“I was lying obviously.”

Suddenly, tears fell from his eyes.

Lumapit ako ng bahagya sakanya. Gusto kong hagurin ang likod nya para i-comfort sya. Pero somehow, hindi ko magawa.

“Your friends called. They say na may.. hmmm… problema daw sayo.”, I said reluctantly.

“Oh, you mean they think I’m crazy.”

“Harry. I don’t think that’s what they meant.”

“Oh, but it is.”

“Why do you say so?”

“They told me to see someone. A shrink of some sort.”

“Why do you think they said that?”

“Because I was talking to myself.”

“Why were you talking to yourself?”

“Everybody does that. I mean, ikaw? Hindi mo ba nagawa yun?”

“Well…”

“See? People do that all the time. Pag nag-iisip sila ng isasagot sa exam, bago matulog, o kaya naman ay nakatingin lang sa kawalan.”

“Well, they said you’ve been doing it almost all the time.”

“I’m depressed for crying out loud! Maybe I’m a wreck right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m crazy!”

I then sensed anger steaming out from his aura.

“Look Harry, kaibigan mo ko. Hindi kita hinuhusgahan.”

Natahimik lang si Harry at tumaliwas ng tingin. Tears were falling from his eyes pero kita ang galit sa mukha nito.

“Ok Harry, let’s just talk about what happened.”

Hindi pa rin ito sumagot.

“Harry?”

Walang reaksyon.

“Harry. Talk to me… What happened?”

Tahimik lang.

“Har..”

“I can hear voices.”

He then looked at me. It was mean. Sharp. Tense.

“You don’t believe me don’t you?”

Now it’s in his voice.

“I do.”

I was starting to get scared but I still looked at him into his eyes.

“You do?”

“What do you hear? Ano ang sinasabi ng mga boses sayo?”

“Boses namin ni Mickey. Those were our memories together. It’s like its being played on my mind over and over.”

He gave me this look. The look which sent shivers down my spine.

Napalunok ako. But I remained eye contact.

“Do you want it to stop?”

“What are you talking about? I can make it stop!”

This is not good. It’s making him more pissed off.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m thinking it. I want to hear it. So I imagine that I’m actually hearing it.”

“Are you ok?”, dagdag pa nito.

“Of course.”, tugon ko.

“Look Tony. I’m not crazy. Depressed lang ako. I just can’t accept na may iba na si Mickey ngayon.”

“Oo naman.”

Napalunok akong muli.

“Saan ako nagkamali? I gave him my all. Everything that I  had. Lahat mismo.”

Those angry eyes again turned gloomy, sad. But still, scary.

“Maybe you weren’t meant to be with each other. I know you. You deserve someone better.”

Now I see a kid wanting for his lost toy. It’s as if he wanted to cry.

“You really think I deserve someone better?”

“I do.”

I tried to give him a smile just to shrug off the fear.

Umiling iling ito. Again, his aura changed. It was dark again. No, darker.

“I don’t want someone better. I want Mickey.”

“You’re scaring me Harry.”

“Oh, am i?”

He’s unpredictable. He goes from angry to sad to angry again.

“Yeah.”

“It’s because it’s all your fault. Your guilt is eating you up.”

I can feel my heart beating. Wait, now I  can actually hear it pounding.

“Me?”

“Bakit?! Hindi mo ba naaalala? It was because of you that we broke up!”

I tried to look away. Pero nang muli ko syang tingnan ay nakatingin pa rin ito sa akin. Mata sa mata. He was getting creepier by the moment.

Napa atras ako ng bahagya sa kinauupuan ko.

“What are you talking about Harry?! Bakit ako ang sinisisi mo?!”, inis pero takot ko pa ring sagot. I can see malice and murderous intent in his eyes.

“If it wasn’t for your bitchy attitude, hindi kami maghihiwalay.”

I saw him curl up his fist. Anytime ay pwede nya akong saktan. Napakapit ako sa binti ko.

“Harry. Can you hear yourself? Kaibigan mo ko!!! Bakit ako ang pinagbibintangan mo?!”

“The voices told me.”

“What voices?! What the hell are you talking about?!”

“I thought you believe me?”.

“I do!”

I must give him the answer he wants to hear or baka masaktan ako ng di oras. It must be true. Nababaliw na nga sya. All because of loving Mickey too much.

“You’re lying as usual!”

He moved in closer.

Nararamdaman ko ang mabilis na pagkabog ng dibdib ko. Para akong hihimatayin.

“I’m not lying!!!”

He then gave me a smile. Those that will give you the creeps.

“I know.”

Naconfuse ako sa sagot nya.

“Huh?”

“The voices told me.”

“Huh?”

“Listen carefully.”

“What?”

“I said listen carefully!!!”

Sinubukan kong manahimik.

Wala.

Wala akong marinig.

“Naririnig mo ba?”

“Harry.”

“Ang sabi ko, naririnig mo ba?!”

“No!!”

“Liar!!!”

I saw Harry stand up with his fist ready to hit me.

Napapikit ako.

SMASH!

Ang tanging narinig ko ay parang may nabasag. I suddenly heard footsteps rushing in.

“Ma!! Si Kuya!!”, rinig kong sabi ng boses.

Nang maiupo ako ng sinumang umalalay sakin ay napatingin ako sa kwarto. All I can see were broken pieces of glass. No, basag na salamin.

I can see blood everywhere.

I was in a room.

It looked familiar.

It was my room.

That was my mirror.